David Wyde

Color Puns

From the 2018 O. Henry Pun-Off World Championships in Austin, TX:

YELLOW ladies and MAGENTA-lmen; Welcome BLACK to the GRAYest show on EARTH TONES! RUST AZUREd we PEACHure no LILAC of ORANGE-inal acts. Feats of brains, BRONZE, and AQUA-batics will TEAL the spotLIGHT. Mass WISTERIA may STRIPE as men are SAPPHIREd from cannons, and bullets APRICOT with bare hands. But I PINK that PALEs in CONTRAST to my own a-MAIZE-ing story. Years ago my WHEAT-heart left me for a pantoLIME-r. I begged on my EBONYs and swore AMETHYSTtime would be different. But it was too SLATE, and she said "CYAN-ara". My heart was in smither-GREENS, my mind a TAN-GOLD mess. I BLUE it, AUBURNed my bridges. I was MAROONed with no next-of-PUMPKIN, no pets ORCHIDs. I CHROMEd the CARNATION from Ne-BRASS-ka to PittsBURGUNDY, searching far and WHITE for content-MINT. PINE-ally I was REDy to PURPLE myself up. I said, "OLIVE through this". I MUSTARD my cour-ROUGE and joined the circus. There VERMILIONs of COBALTernatives, from PLUM-ing to nuclear FUCHSIA-n, but I had to SEAFOAM-myself. I was ASHful at first, but it just felt BRIGHT. Today things are INDIGO-ing MAUVElously: I ROSE through the ranks, and now IVORY-ly got the KHAKIs to the kingdom. So if HUE feel BROWN and out, never give up TAUPE! Follow your CREAMs and always RUBY yourself. For the PISTACHIO must go ONYX!