I had the great pleasure of competing in the 2015 O. Henry Pun-Off World
Championships. The pun-off is held annually in Austin,
and this year I entered the Punniest of Show event.
My task was to prepare a punny monologue of less than two minutes. Here is the
video, with the script below. Enjoy!
When it comes to romance, I'm no Wookiee --
I'm an X-Wing-man with a Darth side.
But I'm Luking to Padme-k a spatial connection.
I Jawant someone who would LucasFilm-e up with joy, Anakin-dred spirit.
We'd Skywalker-cross Windunes for a love to blaster lifetimes.
That may sound council-y, but it's clonely being single.
And lately, I've been looking for love in Alderaan places.
It was an open Ack-Bar, and I'd had a few shots of Qui-Gon Jinn.
Across the room I saw her, my Palpatine-age dream.
I didn't Padawant to in-Vader space,
but a Force drew us together.
Her smile Naboo-sted my confidence
as we starred into each other's Jed-eyes.
"Obi-want to get out of here?" I asked.
This would either be the Endor the beginning.
A long, long time a-go'd by.
I thought I'd done a good Jabba being smooth,
but the tension had my pulse pod-racing.
An old teacher once told me, "Patience will help you weather the Storm, Trooper."
Good advice can be a real lightsaber.
Finally she winked, and we Ewok'd to her ToYoda.
Chewbacc-at her condoMillennium, things got Hoth and heavy.
She had a Tatooine an unusual spot,
and a Boba Fettish for dirty talk: I AM YOUR FATHER.
R2 Dagobodies met.
I thought I was gonna get Leia'd for sure.
But before I could show her my 3P-O-face,
I was Jar-Jar'd back to reality.
What a droidful feeling!
The Empire thing had been a dream.
The only lovin' I got that night was Hand Solo.
Oh well, Sith happens.