David Wyde

Star Wars Puns


I had the great pleasure of competing in the 2015 O. Henry Pun-Off World Championships. The pun-off is held annually in Austin, and this year I entered the Punniest of Show event.

My task was to prepare a punny monologue of less than two minutes. Here is the video, with the script below. Enjoy!

When it comes to romance, I'm no Wookiee -- I'm an X-Wing-man with a Darth side. But I'm Luking to Padme-k a spatial connection. I Jawant someone who would LucasFilm-e up with joy, Anakin-dred spirit. We'd Skywalker-cross Windunes for a love to blaster lifetimes. That may sound council-y, but it's clonely being single. And lately, I've been looking for love in Alderaan places. It was an open Ack-Bar, and I'd had a few shots of Qui-Gon Jinn. Across the room I saw her, my Palpatine-age dream. I didn't Padawant to in-Vader space, but a Force drew us together. Her smile Naboo-sted my confidence as we starred into each other's Jed-eyes. "Obi-want to get out of here?" I asked. This would either be the Endor the beginning. A long, long time a-go'd by. I thought I'd done a good Jabba being smooth, but the tension had my pulse pod-racing. An old teacher once told me, "Patience will help you weather the Storm, Trooper." Good advice can be a real lightsaber. Finally she winked, and we Ewok'd to her ToYoda. Chewbacc-at her condoMillennium, things got Hoth and heavy. She had a Tatooine an unusual spot, and a Boba Fettish for dirty talk: I AM YOUR FATHER. R2 Dagobodies met. I thought I was gonna get Leia'd for sure. But before I could show her my 3P-O-face, I was Jar-Jar'd back to reality. What a droidful feeling! The Empire thing had been a dream. The only lovin' I got that night was Hand Solo. Oh well, Sith happens.